Part One: The Flight of Captain Ostentatious (1-5)

The
Mafia Book

By Neil Saunders


Foreword by Neil Saunders

As the author of the Mafia Book, I would like to make sure that everyone who reads this novel is completely and absolutely sure that there are absolutely no hidden meanings within its pages. None whatsoever, so don’t think of imagining things that aren’t there. Also I have nothing against Tom Hanks, I just thought he was the best man for the part. I actually think he’s pretty kewl.
Also I would like to thank the following people for their help in the writing of this novel: David Whelan, for the creation of Dopeman and Dimension X, amongst many other ideas, for Thomas Renssen, for the kind use of his persona to invent Timmy and Conor McVeigh, the real Obeseman.





Chapters
1: One way ticket to Earth
2: Finding the business
3: Welcome Home
4: MacDonald’s
5: Into the fight
6: Broomsticks and Assassins
7: Dopeman
8: Good Old fashioned terrorism
9: A German holiday
10: Knockbeg
11: What the hell is going on!?
12: Dimension X
13: The Spanish Motorway
14: Spankworthy Industries
15: Presidential Termination!





Chapter one: One way ticket to Earth



Silent stood on a cliff, looking out over the vast sea of dust and dirt before him. He was a tall man, or was he a man? No! He had pointy ears and dark wide eyes and was at least seven feet tall. I don't know about you, but I've never seen a human that looked like that.
He wore a suit of heavy leather with blast plates on his chest and back, with iron shoulder pauldrons and greaves. On his hands, he wore gloves, but these were no ordinary gloves. I mean, when its cold out you don't exactly go around wearing gloves with huge, sharp spikes sticking out of them, do you? Well, at least I don't.
In his right hand, he held a shotgun and on his back, he wore a heavy rucksack and strapped to it was a rifle. On his hard leather belt were strapped three grenades. Not someone you'd want to meet on a dark night then, is he?
Beside him on the ground was a heavy cloak and a large helmet with a plume of emerald spikes. It was dark-blue and covered in blast armour with heat and night-vision sensors. Pretty cool but he must look a right plonker wearing that down a street.
Silent was a tergan from a training camp called morq.
This planet he was on was Cakamorse, his homeworld. The Morq sect was where the fighters of Cakamorse where sent and trained.
Silent showed particular skill, but in an incident, he accidentally killed one of his companions - some accident. He is now an outcast and since became a renegade bounty hunter, killing who he pleases. Well there's a way to show remorse.
He wanted a job, a good job and he knew just how to get it.
He left the cliff, walking down a large path, which winded down to the desert below.
Walking slowly, passing sand dune after sand dune, he finally arrived in a town just before the sun set.
He entered into the group of clustered shanties, their tough rusted metal roofs gleaming off the sun as it slowly disappeared over the horizon.
As he walked, small, insignificant people jeered and booed. This town had no law, so nothing could touch Silent here.
He soon reached a hotel. As he walked in, he saw a dark red cape disappearing through the wall. A small man behind the counter spoke.
"Sir, we do not allow guns on the premises."
Silent looked at the guards approaching, two large rifles in their hands.
"You don't seem to mind them," replied Silent, nodding at the guards.
"They are for security reasons,’ snarled the man nastily.
"I'm keeping my weapons!" said Silent, exasperated.
"Then leave this place at once sir!" shrieked the man. He nodded to the guards, who stepped forward.
"All right, all right, I'll go," said Silent.
He left the hotel and continued forwards. It was a cool, breezy night. The stars twinkled in the sky above.
After finding a cave to sleep in, Silent prepared a meal from his pack. He emptied the rucksack and laid it out. A compass, a sniper rifle, plastic explosives, water bottles, med.-kits, poison, knives, apples and a small pie. All in all, not your everyday boy scout pack, is it?
He ate an apple before going out to hunt for the real meal. He left a trip mine to guard the cave .
He left his shotgun behind, along with his helmet. Instead, he brought his rifle and a few knives.
He walked to the sand dunes and waited.
After half an hour of patient waiting he saw it. A kain, as the people of Cakamorse called it, though it was usually known as a sand deer.
They were practically the same as normal deer, but they have a thinner coat and can run faster and they were nocturnal. So they weren’t really like a normal deer at all, just looked like one. They are also nocturnal.
Silent moved like a fox stalking a rabbit, as far as a man stalking a rabbit with a rifle can look like a fox. As the deer bent down to eat a small clump of foliage, he lifted up his rifle, set it upon the kain and fired.
It crumpled to the ground, dead. Silent ate well that night.
The next morning Silent returned to the town, he walked slowly passed a large hovering motorcycle. He stared at it curiously.
‘So they did make these things,’ thinking of the speeder bikes he had seen in Star Wars. He leaped onto it, feeling the gears carefully to find out how it worked. The owner of the bike, a large fat thug-like man was approaching.
‘Get off of my bike!’ he bellowed, picking a pipe up off the ground.
‘No chance fatty,’ replied Silent activating the bike and rushing forwards, kicking the thug in the stomach as he flew forward.
The owner fell to the ground and roared after him, ‘Come back here you niggard!’
The wind rushed passed the bike, continuously threatening to knock Silent off, his cloak was nearly torn off his shoulder plates as he thundered out of the town.
‘Well, that’s another thousand credits added to my bounty,’ he laughed to himself. Soon he had cleared a whole desert of dunes. Then, less than twenty minutes later, he noticed a city ahead.
He came to a halt and swerved the bike to the left. he got off and took out his binoculars. He could see two police rovers tearing up the sand outside the city. One was armed with a missile launcher attached to a turret on the roof.
‘Oh shit,’ said Silent to himself. Then, returning to the bike, he got on to it. He swerved out of his hiding place and drove up a winding path up the cliff beside it. When he reached the top, he stopped.
He got off the bike, taking his bag and things with him. As he was going down into a large cave, which rested on the top of the cliff, he noticed he had forgotten his helmet. He ran back up, but just then, the bike exploded and the engine burst into a spectacular fireball.
He cursed. ‘There goes my helmet,’ then he noticed the police cars coming, ‘And my cover. The owner must have had an anti-burglary self-destruct bomb on that thing.’
He ran down to the cave as the cars approached. A bit of metal fell from the cliffs and landed in front of the rovers, they just managed to stop in time. One of the police got out, he was a tall yellow and emerald green Maschin, a sort of half-human, half-beetle alien.
‘What is it lieutenant?’ asked the human guard.
‘Cree Cremlet tolk,’ replied the Maschin, in a strange machine-like voice.
‘A helmet?’ repeated the man confused, picking up the metal.
‘Oh Jeese, it’s him,’ he said, looking at the wreckage.
‘Well, we gotta try and take him out, it’s our duty after all.’ he said, steeling himself. The Maschin opened his mouth to argue but the man stopped him, ‘I know, I know. But we gotta try at least.’
The Maschin put his hand to his head and nodded, they shook hands and returned to their vehicles.
They drew nearer and Silent hid in the cave, waiting for them, pistols in hand. They soon reached the top and began searching for the fugitive. Silent stalked out, coming from up behind one of the parked rovers.
Then, taking the plastic explosives from his bag, he attached it to one of them and crawled slowly away. It was then that he activated it, the car was annihilated in a huge fireball. The wheels bounced off into the air as the windows shattered and the vehicle was engulfed in flame.
‘Crap!’ shouted the human guard, ‘The boss is going to kill me, if this guy doesn’t get me first!’
The police took out their pistols. It was then that Silent sprang upon them. Rolling out from the cave, pistols in hand. He fired as they ran for cover, hitting the human in the leg, back and arm, he was dead.
The Maschin fired back. The bullet whizzed past as Silent sidestepped. He leapt over the wreckage of the jeep, firing as he went. The guard fired back, but the bullet slid past his ear.
Silent jumped to the Maschin, drew his blades from his gloves and stabbed. The creature fell dead, blood pouring from about sixty holes in his chest. He walked to the human and fired another shot into his head, he wasn’t going to risk anything.
The superhuman then went to the other police vehicle, gathered his equipment and drove away. Going down from the cliff, he sped towards the city. He had not gotten close before he realised there was a toll bridge, quickly, he drew his blade and held it close.
When he arrived, he heard the man in the box, ‘Fee please?’
Silent looked up, ‘I’m a cop y’know.’
‘Well sir, you still have to pay,’ replied the man.
‘Listen, if you don’t open this bridge now, I’m gonna stick this knife where the sun don’t shine,’ threatened Silent a glare in his eyes.
‘Alright, all right, just please don’t hurt me,’ said the man, moving backwards, slowly opening the gate.
‘Thank you,’ said Silent winking. He put his foot on the accelerator and the car sped off across the bridge. He drove through the deep, winding streets full of houses and large, brightly lit apartments. He knew where he was going and he knew he’d have problems getting there.
Suddenly, he noticed a police car following him in the wing mirror. Then white noise went on in the car radio, followed by a voice:
‘Excuse me sir, but could you pull over please.’
Silent kept going, ‘Looks like they found out about their little friends then.’
Silent turned on the weapons system. He activated the target screen and aimed. Soon the car was in scope and locked on. He fired the shots and the car exploded. The windscreen shattered and the car stopped in mid-drive.
Silent went faster and then swerved around a corner, he nearly crashed into a BMW but managed to skid passed it. He noticed two more cars coming behind him. A bullet pierced the back window and it shattered. Glass littered the back seats.
Silent sped up, swerving between two cars as he attempted to shake off the horde of patrol cars chasing him. Peering out the window, he fired his pistol blindly, smashing the windscreen of the lead car and killing the driver, forcing the vehicle to come to a swift stop before the rover immediately behind it clashed, causing the two vessels to erupt in a spectacular fireball of burnt corpses and charred metal.
The police rovers now opened their assault weapons on their vehicles, taking a tip from James Bond, their side doors opened and from them folded out heavy mini-guns. From the license plate flipped out four seeker missiles.
‘Damn, these guys are armed to the teeth,’ said Silent to himself, swerving left and right, weaving in and out of the traffic. He looked in his own weapons system and found the missile launcher's controls. Operating as fast as he could, he swivelled it around and fired. Another rover exploded in a whirl of flame and dead metal.
More bullets bounced all over the heavy plated metal at the rear end of the car. Some missed and went into civilians’ cars.
Another message on the intercom went off in the police cars. ‘For God’s sake men, stop firing, if you're going to kill civilians then you might as well join that guy.’
Angered by this common misconception, Silent picked up the radio in his car and snarled, ‘Hey man, I don’t know what shit you’re talking but I don’t kill civilians. I’m not your average street thug!’
Static was the response and Silent frowned, the only reason he’d had to kill anyone at all was because they wouldn’t just leave him alone, he’d been hunted ever since he left the Morq sect… ever since all his brothers in arms had been sent to fight in the Moch war.
Shaking himself from his reverie, he forced himself to concentrate as the riot police threw a hasty stockade before him, assault rifles blazing and cutting off his route. He spun the vehicle left and found himself charging down an alleyway. Luckily, it gave him a few extra seconds of time as the cops behind stopped to turn in order to avoid unnecessary crashes.
Silent was soon near a large Tesco shopping centre, he crashed in through the side windows and the police followed. The shopping centre was closed, the lights were off and no one was inside.
‘The sign said it was open twenty-four-seven, the bloody liars,’ said Silent to himself. He drove forward smashing into a rack full of Cola bottles. The contents poured all over the floor. As the police went through, one of the cars skidded and crashed into the frozen isle.
Silent laughed, the police were stupider than he thought, he didn’t understand why they didn’t just blow him up there and then. He locked on with another missile and finished off the car in the frozen isle. Soon it had turned into a barbecue as the heat from the missile had melted the ice cream and cooked the pizzas.
Police backup was charging in. There were another ten cars in Tesco now. One of the cars fired a paintball at Silent’s car. This helped them to identify him –obviously enough.
Silent soon found himself facing a dead end. With that he swerved the car around and drove straight towards the police.
Firing with everything he had, he destroyed three of the cars before he smashed in. The car burst through the wreckage and charged out of Tesco.
The police exploded out of the centre after him, sirens blaring. Up ahead, Silent noticed a blockade of sofas and metal roadblocks. Two of the police carried missile launchers.
They fired, Silent spun around off the road and down through an alleyway. The police were too slow. Two were hit by the missiles, two more crashed into them and another hit the wall of the alleyway and ended up blocking it.
Silent laughed at them. They did not have the brain capacity or the skills to defeat him. He sped towards the spaceport. Upon arriving there, he casually approached the nearest shuttle to Earth. The customs police did not recognise him, thanks to his portable disfigulator, it disfigured his face to look like the last person he touched. The Maschin’s head appeared on his shoulders, he looked in a mirror.
‘Wow, this is weird, how am I supposed to get the girls looking like the monster from The Fly?’ he said to himself. He approached the metal detector and threw a small disruption pod into it, this broke the machines main system for a few seconds. This gave him enough time to slip through without the machine beeping.
The pod sent out a small radio wave, which cancelled out the detective waves in the machine, allowing Silent to get through. Smiling, he walked to the shuttle and sat down in his seat. The hostess approached, a tall woman with blonde hair, a pretty face and wearing a blue uniform.
‘Please fasten your seatbelt sir. we are about to take off.’ she said to him, his disfigulator was switched off now. She smiled at his handsome face ‘Would you like any refreshments?’
‘Yes please,’ he replied, smiling, he had made it.




















Chapter Two: Finding the Business


Silent stepped off the shuttle with an anxious look on his face, he had landed on Earth, in the large metropolis of New York City. As he looked around at the vast skyscrapers and bright lights around him, he knew that the city had changed a lot since the old movies, the biggest difference being the hover cars floating up above, though in far less numbers than the millions of vehicles on the streets below.
He walked through the bustling streets until he saw a huge billboard atop a huge building. On the billboard he read:
Vote for me George W. Bush the 42nd to be president of the United States of America.
Silent sighed as he saw another poster for Bush with his finger pointing like Uncle Sam.
’George Bush needs you!’ it boomed every few seconds.
He laughed as he saw a flashing light like the score for a ball game. It read:
Jefferson 3,423 Bush 5,233,223
Silent sighed again, when will these Americans learn. He continued his journey, pondering what to do next. He knew what he wanted to do, but he didn’t quite know where to go to do it. (Should’ve done his homework first then shouldn’t he.)
He wanted to join the Mafia, but how, how do you join an organisation like that, you can hardly just walk in and take an interview, hand in your C.V. and hope for the best… besides he didn’t know where the Mafia’s H.Q. was, even if it was that simple.
Suddenly, he heard a car pull up behind him. In a sudden instinct, he drew his pistol and turned around quickly. Only to withdraw his attack as he saw the astonished faces on the old couple that had stepped out.
‘Sorry,’ he mumbled, embarrassed and walked off.
‘What was I thinking,’ he said to himself, ‘The police don’t know I’m here.’
It was then that he heard it, that all too familiar siren. He ducked behind a low wall near him. He peered out, then laughed as he saw a huge bus rushing along the streets with two police cars howling after it.
‘Wow, that makes a change,’ he thought, ‘Me watching a chase instead of being in it.’
He climbed back over the wall and walked forwards again. As he went, he heard punching down a narrow alley nearby. There was a wooden fence running along it.
‘Wooden Alley,’ he thought, then realised if you swished the last two letters of each word around, you’d get Woody Allen.
He spied around the corner and saw three hoodies beating up a man.
‘Hey, you better stop that,’ he said, feeling a chance to do good raise up inside him.
‘You gonna make us, huh,’ replied one of the thugs, a gormless looking, fat, blond guy.
‘Yes, I reckon I am,’ snarled Silent.
‘You are, are you?’ said another sarcastically.
Then all three ran forward. Silent - in movements twice as fast as a normal human - kicked out, knocking one off his feet and cracking his ribs.
He then punched a second in the face, killing him instantly, smashing his skull. The third ran off, trying to climb the rusting fence at the end of the alley.
‘Here, let me help you,’ said Silent, throwing him over the fence with great force.
‘Right, that’s that then,’ he said to himself, striding out with a wink to the man and no backwards glances to the bodies.
*
‘Yeah, I... I swear boss. He... just walked in there and bit the crap out of us. Yeah... sure ... all three of us.’
‘Well then,’ said a man in the shadows ‘Looks like we might have a new family member. Timmy the Rat, Jamsie the Dealer, pick him up.’
Timmy the Rat was, shall we say, kinda weird, he was involved in a radiation explosion which turned him into a half-rat, half-human mutant. He was a newer member of the group and was trusted with nothing more than a small pistol (a Walther PPK if you’re interested) and a rusty knife which couldn’t even qualify as a dagger.
He had deep shadows under his eyes and a couple of sharp, pointed teeth jutting from his mouth. A thin wisp of grey hair sat on his head and his long tail was mottled with dirt and dust. He had small, colourless eyes and could not see very well, hence, he wasn’t a very good shot.
Jamsie was a drug dealer, he didn’t take the stuff himself, but rather supplied it to paying customers, like Jamie and Aaron down at the bar. He was a bit of a veteran of the business and was entrusted with a Tommy gun, or should I say an enhanced Tommy gun with laser sight and armour piercing bullets. He wore a long bullet-proof vest with a large blast plate on the chest. He had short black hair and dark eyes.
The two set out from the back way together, the alleyway was flooded with newspapers and other crap. They approached a large limousine and got in the back.
‘Hey, Jeevsie!’ called Jamsie knocking on the glass partition to the man at the wheel. ‘We need to go man!’
The man called Jeevsie awoke, he was a tall man with short brown hair and watery blue eyes, he wore a full tuxedo and a bowler hat sat perched on his head.
‘Right away Jamsie,’ he replied. ‘Where to?’
‘We need to find a bounty hunter called Silent’ said Jamsie, locking the silencer onto his weapon.
‘Is it an assassination mission?’ asked Jeevsie, watching him.
‘No, we need to pick him up. I just like doing that.’ replied Jamsie, leaning back.
‘Right away sir,’ replied Jeevsie, pulling out.
*
Silent strutted down the street, he knew he had done the right thing. All he had to do now was wait, he was pretty sure that every underground organisation knew what he had done back on Cakamorse, he just needed to let them know he was here.
He looked around for somewhere to spend the time. Across the street, he saw the perfect place: a lap dancing club.
He smiled to himself and began to cross the traffic-stricken street. Just then a limo pulled up and the door opened. Straight away, he knew it was them.
He glanced at the club, cursed and turned back. Jamsie looked out and called to Silent to get in, he did so.
‘You Silent, that bounty hunter from Cakamorse?’ asked Jamsie as soon as the door was closed. Timmy was sitting in the seat opposite Silent his eyes wide and his mouth open in awe.
‘Yep,’ replied Silent casually, ‘That’s me.’
‘We’re from the Mafia, but of course you probably already know that,’ said Jamsie.
‘Sure do,’ he answered, ‘I’m guessing you guys want me to join?’
‘Yep, I was watching the C.C.T.V. I ain’t seen a punch like that in years.’ Jamsie said, ‘If you join, me and Timmy here will be your new partners.’
‘Alright, I’ll join, who’s the driver?’ inquired Silent jerking his finger at the partition.
‘That’s Jeevsie, he’s butler, driver, chef, you name it, he does it.’ said Jamsie, tapping the glass, ‘Ain’t that right Jeevsie?’
‘Sure is, sir,’ he answered, smiling.
‘So, where are you guys from?’ asked Silent, ‘I know Earth’s countries fairly well.’
‘I’m from Ireland, Jeevsie’s from England and Timmy, well he’s from God only knows where.’ said Jamsie, glancing at the creature.
‘I’m came from a toilet, says the Godfather,’ squeaked Timmy all of a sudden. He glanced up at Silent a cartoonish smile on his face.
‘OK,’ replied Silent slowly as Timmy resumed his awed look.
Suddenly, a white limo pulled up beside them and four men got out.
‘Crap, it’s the Gatachi’s,’ said Jamsie, reaching for his Tommy. He leapt out of the side door, Silent, Timmy and Jeevsie followed, drawing their weapons.
The four of them ran from the car and darted down a nearby alleyway, bullets bounced from the walls around them as they sprinted down.
The Gatachi’s followed, Tommy guns out. From behind a corner, Timmy leapt out, blasting away with his pistol. Silent came out behind him, rifle drawn, he took aim and fired. One of the Gatachi’s got it in the face and fell. He didn’t get up.
Jamsie grabbed Silent, pulling him back.
‘Good work, now come,’ he shouted, over the smashing noise of the lead impacting around them. The Gatachi’s followed but more cautiously.
Jeevsie took point in the group, leading them into a nearby shopping centre. It was closed, but Silent blasted the door and the alarm.
The others followed him to the security office, ignoring the staff only sign, a cloud of scented smoke it seemed was just leaving when they entered. There was a single guard inside, he was a typical fat, donut-eating New York cop. Completely flustered with the break-in, he was an easy target for Silent.
Stepping over the body, Jeevsie quickly located and shut down the store’s alarm systems. Then the quartet separated into different shops in the store and awaited their prey.
The Gatachi’s entered, accompanied by their driver, all were armed and separated, slowly sweeping the store.
Jeevsie sat quietly in the toy store underneath a section filled with plastic army soldiers. One of the prey walked in, Jeevsie crept up slowly behind him, keeping to the shadows. He carefully pulled out a silenced revolver, pointing it at the tall man before him.
Silent knelt down on the second floor by a barrier, a sheet of glass span across the entire length of the barrier. The Gatachi driver was standing in the square before him. He loaded the rifle, looked in the scope and fired.
In the clothes shop, Jamsie sat down inside a large cover of clothes. His Tommy gun was loaded and the Gatachi approached. The man’s back was to him and he fired, filling him with lead.
In the grocery store, Timmy sat with his knife on his lap. He crept along as well as he could, but failed badly in the attempt to stay stealthy. He tripped, flailing his arms around and knocking over cans of beans and peas all over the place.
The Gatachi saw him and fired, Timmy managed to leap out of the way as bullets tore up the ground behind him. The hunter had become the hunted – if Timmy could ever be called a hunter.
He jumped into the cover of a large pillar with a George Bush poster on it. Timmy peered around and fired blindly, unaware that Silent had already shot his attacker. He opened his eyes and saw the two Gatachi bodies lying before him.
Timmy started doing a little dance, ‘I did it! I did it! I did it!’
‘Sorry to burst your bubble rat-boy,’ called Silent, ‘But I was the one who got them, not you.’
‘Damn it!’ squeaked Timmy, throwing down the PP7.
Jamsie and Jeevsie came out of their respective shops.
‘Nice first night eh?’ asked Jamsie, laughing.
‘You could say that yeah,’ replied Silent.
‘Timmy, take those guys guns, it’d be a shame to just leave them lying around now wouldn’t it.’ ordered Jamsie.
Timmy snorted, then grudgingly gathered up the Tommy’s. The group left the building and headed for the limo. They got in and drove to headquarters.

Chapter Three: Welcome
Home


The four of them got out and went down the alleyway to the side door. Jamsie knocked and a tall Spanish man with blonde hair opened the door.
‘Ah, hello Jamsie, Timmy, Jeevsie and eh Silent we have been waiting for you,’ he said, shaking Silent’s hand, a beaming smile across his face. ‘I am Columbo del Monko, I am also part of this Mafia.’
‘Pleased to meet you Columbo,’ replied Silent.
‘Now, come in,’ offered Columbo, retreating inside, the others followed.
Silent had entered a long passageway, with expensive-looking paintings all along it. There were about five doors in the corridor, they were heading for the one at the end.
They reached the door and entered. Silent could hear a television inside, the news was on. The last report he heard before it was switched off was, ’And further sightings of a mysterious red-caped hippie-fighter have been report-’ Inside there was a desk with a chair behind it. A man sat in the chair but was shrouded in shadows. This supernatural shadow was courtesy of the nearby shadowshade - A type of lampshade which let out beams of shadow instead of beams of light.
‘Welcome to your new home Silent,’ said the shadow’s voice ‘Please let Jamsie show you around. Then come back and join me for dinner.’
‘Thank you Godfather,’ said Silent backing out.
‘Oh, you’re a bright one, half of these bums didn’t know who I was first time they saw me. Only you, Jamsie, Columbo and Belgor had any sort of idea. I mean Timmy thought I was a monster or something. What did you think again?’
‘Boogieman,’ replied Timmy, his goofish grin spreading open again.
‘Dickhead,’ replied the Godfather.
Silent left with Jamsie and Timmy and headed for the next door. Jamsie opened the first door on the right, which led to a dining room filled with expensive silverware.
Then the trio went to the door on the left. Inside was a whole arsenal of all sorts of weapons. Tommy’s, AK-47s, grenades, PP7s, Luger's, machete's, katana’s bazookas… even… a nuclear warhead!
‘As you can see,’ muttered Jamsie ‘This is the armoury.’
‘I think I’m gonna like this room.’ replied Silent.
‘Sure are,’ laughed Jamsie, ‘My favourite room in the building.’
They left and went into another room. It had a desk near the wall and pictures all around the room. A playboy magazine lay open on the desk. Jamsie was quick to snatch it up and hide it in his jacket.
‘Sorry about that,’ said Jamsie to Silent, ‘It’s Timmy, he doesn’t know what sex is, he hasn’t even seen a woman naked, and we like to keep it that way.’
‘What, you mean he hasn’t even...’ asked Silent.
Jamsie shook his head ‘Nope. He knows nothing.’
‘How old is he?’ asked Silent
Timmy was wandering around the room in a dazed fashion as the pair whispered.
‘He’s fifty-six,’ replied Jamsie quietly.
‘Fifty-six!’ exclaimed Silent, ‘I’m nearly that old and I’ve done about-’
‘Done what?’ asked Timmy, suddenly alert that there was a conversation going on behind him ‘Played Ping-Pong?’
‘Eh.. well, eh... yes, yes that’s it.’ replied Silent.
‘Ehrm, anyway, this room shall be your office, though we have a larger base for our little trio’s main operations.’ said Jamsie, eager to continue.
The group left and entered through another door. This led to a long stairway downwards. As they went down, Silent noticed it was getting steadily darker and a bubbling noise was getting louder with each step they took.
The stairway ended in what looked like the entrance to a sewer. The titanium door had a valve and was covered in dirt and grime.
‘You better put this on,’ advised Jamsie, handing Silent a gas mask from a rack on the wall which he only just noticed because of the darkness.
‘OK,’ replied Silent, placing it on his head without further questions. He watched Timmy and Jamsie do the same.
Then Jamsie grabbed the valve and twisted it around. the door stayed still for a second, then swung open. The trio stepped in and closed the door behind them. As they waited, a green cloud of gas wept across the floor before running up the walls and cascading down upon them like a waterfall. They stood still for a minute as the substance filtered over them and slowly the gas withdrew into vents in the room. Once the gas was all gone, the vents closed again automatically and new ones opened, letting in oxygen.
Silent saw Jamsie take off his mask. He copied.
‘Sorry about that,’ he said, ‘That was a sterilization process. Belgor insists upon it.’
‘Who’s Belgor?’ inquired Silent.
‘You’ll see in a second,’ replied Jamsie, opening another valve operated door in front of him. As the door swung open, they entered.
Silent could see straight away that they were in the heart of Mafia technology and intelligence. The room had a bright, chrome colour to it, however, it also had a slightly yellow tinge. All around the walls were monitors and computer screens. In the centre of the main wall was a huge cinema-sized screen. Directly in the middle of the area was a large table, covered in control panels.
There was one person in the place, he certainly wasn’t a scientist. He was a tall, strong man with short light hair. He wore jeans, a leather jacket and a pink shirt. He looked puzzled.
‘Hi Jamsie, Timmy, and uh, Silent is it? Yeah, hi I’m er Farrell er the Canary.’ he fumbled.
‘Hello,’ replied Silent, ‘What are you doing out here?’
‘Well you see, I was in there, in Belgor’s office, and I knocked over one of his ‘fings,’ answered Farrell, ‘Well, you know what happens when you brake one of his ‘fings,’ he drew a finger across his neck and uttered two quiet words, ‘Not good.’
‘Well,’ said Jamsie, smiling, ‘Let’s see if we can calm him down.’
‘I, er, really wouldn’t go in there if I was you,’ warned Farrell.
‘Well, luckily you’re not me,’ replied Jamsie, backing through into an office marked:
Dr. Belgor
Scientist.
Silent followed, eager to meet this doctor. Inside were lots of desks filled with science equipment, such as retort stands and Hoffman voltammeters.
A large projector screen was set up on the right-hand side of the wall. On it was the projected image of ionically-bonded atoms. A scientist stood at the projector, drawing lines all over the acetate sheet with his markers.
The scientist was wearing a purple shirt with a purple tie and black trousers. His dark eyes were fixed on the paper. The lines on his forehead under his brown hair showed he was concentrating hard on his work and was in no mood for visitors. The man was in his thirties and had a hook nose.
‘Well Belgor, how are you?’ greeted Jamsie.
‘That’s Doctor Belgor to you,’ snapped back the scientist. ’I know why you are here, but I don’t care, he’s going to pay for that Liebig condenser.’
’All right, all right,’ soothed Jamsie, ’I just wanted to introduce you to Silent, he’s the new guy.’
Belgor spared a glance., ’Pleased to meet you.’
’So, what are we up to?’ asked Jamsie.
‘We, are not up to anything, but I am near to creating new light-weight weapons of astonishing power.’ he replied, sternly. ‘You are familiar with the structure of an atom, yes?’
‘Refresh my memory,’ asked Jamsie.
‘Very well then,’ said Belgor, shifting himself onto a nearby stool. ‘Very basically, an atom consists of a nucleus with protons and neutrons and shells with electrons flying in them. An atom’s aim or desire is to reach a full final shell, so that it becomes stable. There are usually eight electrons in each shell and in order to get a full one they must either share or borrow electrons from another atom.’
‘And er, how... do they do that?’ asked Jamsie.
‘They come together and touch, just like you touch Timmy and Timmy touches you!’ replied Belgor.
‘Nice explanation,’ smirked Silent.
‘Anyway, I am trying to harness the power of the atoms and plant them in small arms. In fact, one of these experiments is on its way to our larger lab in Venice.’
*
‘So, how do you find the base?’ asked the Godfather, the shadowshade on the table beside him.
‘It’s fantastic, got a great store of things,’ replied Silent.
‘Thanks, it took me a while to get it set up,’ boomed the Godfather in reply, finishing his pizza, he said, ‘Hey Jamsie, tell Jeevsie he’s outdone himself with this pizza, it’s gorgeous! Anyways, I got a job for ya, I’ll brief you when you’re done.’
‘Great,’ replied Silent leaning back, ‘Can I just ask, what sort of Mafia is this? I mean, I don’t see anyone who is an Italian and to be honest, it just doesn’t feel like a mafia... thing.’
‘Well Silent , I can understand your confusion. Tony is the only Italian, you’ll probably meet him soon. Also, we don’t tend to act like a Mafia. We’re really more of a corporation or secret organisation, like MI6 or the FBI except we don’t always work for the common good. Then again, neither do they… well not all the time anyway… We call ourselves the Mafia mainly because it sounds cool.’
A large plump, bald man wearing a stretched lumberjack shirt waddled into the room. His eyes lit up when he saw the pizza and he had soon wolfed down what was left of the meal. ‘Um, um, fantastic, um... delicious...’
‘Well, since he doesn’t seem like introducing himself, he’s Tony, the pigeon,’ said Jamsie, indicating the newcomer.
‘Oh, hya,’ said Tony, looking up. ‘You must be Silent, pleased to meet you.’
‘Thanks,’ replied Silent, stepping out with Jamsie and Timmy. They followed the Godfather to his office, eager to find out their first mission.
‘Come in boys,’ called the Godfather’s voice ‘This is what I want ya to do....’

The entity moved with certain clarity. Out from the void of space, it stretched through the Immaterium, desperate for any sign of life, anything it could cling to… any bodily form it could usurp. No such thing was imminent, not in the void of space… not in the darkness of unreality.
The entity had been given the breath of life and like a child taking its first steps in the world, it had no idea what to do, but was filled with purpose, the need to achieve something… even just finding another life form to greet.
Yet… the entity also knew its own soul. It knew it was created for a reason… yet that reason was not yet known to it. If only it could discover its’ creator. Where was the creature who had birthed it? The life form who had given the entity its soul… it was nowhere to be found.
In the void of darkness, the entity swept through the stars like a bird taking flight for the first time, its ethereal heart soaring at the concepts flying throughout its mind and it discovered emotion. That sacred concept of life. But there was only one. Only one it was allowed to feel and the entity stopped, seeing a light in the shadows before it. What was this form? This intruder in the darkness. The entity knew from the knowledge implanted in its brain… it was a number… two digits… a four and a two.
It drifted forwards, curiosity flooding its senses as another form took shape within the number… although the entity had never seen another before, it sensed a certain… connection with this being.
Its creator had been found. His purpose discovered…














Chapter Four: MacDonald’s




The guard was dead. The clown was ready. The target was sitting down, his bodyguard’s beside him, but at separate tables. One was reading The New York Times.
Silent glared at the one in the baggy overcoat. That guy was a slimy one. His skin was merely a flesh coloured mesh over a horrible, monstrous hydrochloric acid beast. The monster was made by kidnapped scientists to protect the Gatachi leader, the man in the white tuxedo beside him.
With liquid as his body, he could change his shape at will, particularly annoying to locate. Silent stared through the sniper scope at the acid man, the newspaper showed a picture of a tall man in a red cape with a pipe in his mouth and a rack of what looked like toothpicks across his chest, Rambo-style.
The other guard was an expert assassin and had killed the last three guys that the Mafia had sent to kill the leader, Silent was determined not to let him do the same to them.
They were all going to get some pretty nasty exterminations.
With the high sound sensors that Silent carried with him, he could hear the guards talking to their boss inside.
‘I don’t understand why we went here to eat,’ argued the assassin.
‘I like the food, alright,’ snapped back the acid man.
Silent smiled, the food was going to kill him.
Jamsie was working hard in the kitchen, struggling to keep his eyes off the beautiful hostess. The burger was almost ready. Meanwhile, in the back, Timmy was completely suited up as Ronald MacDonald. The clown was ready.
He hopped into the restaurant, his huge shoes bouncing as they went. A couple of children laughed and he laughed back. He stuck his thumb up at the children, then jerked it back at the glum-looking Gatachi leader.
He mouthed at the children to watch and bounded over to the man. Ronald pulled a sad face to match the Gatachi and the children burst out laughing again.
Then he accidentally – of course - squirted the flower on his waistcoat into the Gatachi’s face. The children exploded with beaming smiles. Timmy pulled a surprise face and ran off.
The leader wiped his face with a tissue, unaware that a tiny microscopic “bug” had entered his mouth and could now track him.
‘Burger for table 4!’ called the hostess, bringing the tray to the acid man.
‘Thank you,’ he muttered.
‘Well, at least he’s polite,’ thought Silent.
The Gatachi raised the burger to his mouth and bit down hard. He felt something rise up within him and had just enough time to look up and recognise the chef before all hell broke loose.
The acid man exploded all over the room. His liquid was on fire, setting the restaurant in flames. Already, people were screaming, but it seemed no one else was injured, yet.
‘Crap!’ shouted the assassin before Silent’s bullet rammed into his face.
Timmy leapt from the backroom, grabbed the children and got them out, coughing and spluttering as the building fell in charred ruin around them. Jamsie, meanwhile, had grabbed the hostess and brought her out.
Silent could see the Gatachi leader running for it, as police and fire brigade sirens tore through the silence. His eyes surveyed the scene and angrily he saw Jamsie and the hostess making out in an alleyway.
‘I wish I was the chef,’ he said to himself.
Timmy ran panting up the steps behind him. They were standing on a Debenhams roof.
‘Timmy, why the hell did you run through a store, dressed as Ronald MacDonald,’ asked Silent
‘I did what?’ he replied.
‘Oh God, how dumb are you?’ Silent muttered to himself, slapping himself in utter disbelief.
‘I am mud,’ squeaked Timmy ‘The boomy burger worked on that acid guy anyway.’
‘Yep,’ said Silent, clapping his hands ‘Potassium filled, just perfect.’
‘Where’s Jamsie?’
‘Look down in that alleyway there.’
‘Oh. Poopy, how come he always gets the girl, I’m just as attractive as he is.’ muttered Timmy.
Silent burst out laughing.
‘What, hey come on what?’

An hour later, Jamsie arrived on the roof.
‘Had a good time, Jamsie?’ asked Silent, smirking.
‘I, er, got a little side-tracked, yeah,’ he replied.
‘Y’know, we saw what you were doing.’
‘Hey, she came on to me,’
‘Whatever, c’mon let’s go.’

That night, the trio sat on the sofa in their base watching the news.
‘Easter’s coming up soon, so let’s have a look at the traditional religious celebration tape so as to stop people complaining. This is real footage taken two hundred years ago.’ said the news reporter.
The screen changed to show a tall, balding Irishman in a tweed jacket and tweed cap.
‘It’s been four years now, since the English took over Ireland,’ began the man to a huge rabble in front of him. ‘Tonight, I shall lead ye, and we shall break free.’
A huge cheer rang up from the Irish and they ran down the streets of Carlow, no English were in sight. Then, as they reached the outskirts of the town, the English arrived in their huge tiger tanks.
The Irish ran as fast as they could, as rifle’s cracked and explosions flared around them. Some turned and fired as they ran. A young English guard barred the way out. The man in the tweed jacket shouted at him, ‘Out of the way or I’ll burst ye!’
He leapt out of the way, as the horde passed over him. They ran, the tanks closing in. They ran all the way to Mount Leinster. It was then that it happened. God came to them.
‘Hello, Irishmen, I am the Lord thy God, but enough of introductions. I am here to tell you to give up all religions, please stop praying to me, you know the way headaches are, well, my head nearly explodes with the amount of prayers I get from you people. Anyway, just give up all religions, I’ll still help you sometimes. To start with, from now on, Irish people can never die from old age or sickness. And furthermore, you may still keep all of your religious celebrations, like Christmas, but don’t dedicate to me, just use it as a chance to have fun and get presents – we all know that’s what you do with them anyway.’
Then God disappeared. The news reporter reappeared onscreen.
‘So, that settles that, stores are already filling with the delicious eggs for Easter, which of course are getting smaller every year,’ he said, ‘That concludes tonight’s Prime Time news. Goodnight.’
‘Ooh! Ooh! Can we buy some Easter eggs?’ asked Timmy, hopping up and down, ‘Please?’
‘And you’re a full grown man,’ said Jamsie ‘Why don’t you just go out and buy some yourself?’
‘Don’t you mean he’s a full grown rat?’ said Silent.
‘Well, he’s a bit of both really,’ replied Jamsie, scratching his head. ‘I wonder if God’ll call over tonight?’
‘What!’ said Silent unsure if he had heard correctly.
‘Oh, sorry, I forgot, God and I are friends, we go back years.’
‘Well, eh, that’s nice to know.’ replied Silent, astonished.
Suddenly, the ceiling flashed white and a dark-skinned man stood before them, he was dressed in a white robe. He looked young, but had a short grey beard and grey hair.
Jamsie stood up and hugged up ‘Good to see ya again God.’
‘Nice to see you too Jamsie. Hi Timmy, Silent,’ he said, smiling.
‘Nice to meet you God,’ said Silent slowly amazed.
‘Did you watch that thing about me appearing on Mount Leinster?’ he asked. They nodded. Silent could see that God was alarmingly informal for such a powerful being.
‘It reminds me of the time when Charles Darwin came to visit those islands. I wanted a break from all you people praying, so I created lots of new but similar creatures to create controversy on creationism. He thought it was evolution, just goes to show you,’ he smiled ‘It wasn’t. Not of course to say evolution isn’t the way it works… I sure as hell didn’t want all the monkeys to turn into you guys though.’
‘So, eh, God, do you know everything that’s going to happen?’ asked Silent.
‘Well, I sort of make things up as I go along, but I suppose you could say yes. Oh, listen I gotta go, I have a karate match scheduled with Jackie Chan, sorry.’ he finished then disappeared.
‘And that,’ said Jamsie ‘Was God.’
The next day, Jamsie checked up on the bug. The Gatachi was in hiding in the main base.
‘This is gonna be one tough nut to crack,’ said Jamsie, checking out the buildings schematics.
‘Yeah, you guys should think about hiring some help,’ said Columbo who had dropped in with his butler, Charles.
Charles was a tall, strongly built man. He wore the butler tailcoat but there was something subtly scarier about him than other butlers. Perhaps it was the pistol he concealed in his shirt or, perhaps not.
‘Yeah,’ said Silent, ‘It’s no MacDonald’s this time and they’ll be waiting for us.’
‘The problem is, who ya gonna get,’ said Columbo.
‘I don’t know,’ replied Silent, ‘You know anyone good Timmy?’
‘No, not really,’ replied Timmy.
‘How about you Jamsie?’
‘Well, there is one guy, but-’ Jamsie was cut off as something was pushed through the letterbox.
Silent walked over to it, picked it up and opened the door. There was no one in sight.
He looked at the card. On it was printed two words: Johnny Saw.

































Chapter 5: Into the Fight




They arrived at a large old house at three o’clock. The house was decrepit and not well kept. It was completely overgrown with spider webs and vines. It looked very odd in amongst all the various high class houses on the street.
Silent approached warily and rang the doorbell. A short, mad looking man opened the door. He wore a grimy white shirt and jeans and his hair was blond and slightly dirty. He had two chainsaws strapped bizarrely to his back. He had an odd craziness in his eyes.
‘You Johnny Saw?’ asked Silent, stepping back from what was clearly a psychopath.
‘Yep,’ replied the man flicking out his tongue ‘That’s me.’
‘You were at the Mafia’s place this mornin’ weren’t ye?’ asked Jamsie.
‘Sure was,’ he replied, ‘Looked like ye needed some help,’ he flicked out his tongue continuously. ‘Gatachi’s place’s hard to get through.... I’ll help ye though.’
‘How?’ asked Silent.
‘Some people say I’m crazy. They’re wrong. I’m fuckin’ insane!’ he shouted suddenly, causing Timmy to leap back off the pavement. ‘I’s the best, no one can beat me. Some people call me a berserker. That’s me. I’ll work for ye, s’longs I get my pay.’
‘And, eh, what’s that?’ asked Silent warily.
‘Spleen’s... the dead’s spleen’s.’ answered Johnny maniacally.
‘And.... em... why is that?’ asked Silent slowly.
‘I’m a.... Cannibal,’ he said smiling, almost caressingly. Timmy’s eyes closed with fear and he wouldn’t open them again until they were back at headquarters. He closed them again when he realised Johnny had come with them. He was holding the chainsaws.
‘They’re battery, solar and nuclear powered. My own design.’ said Johnny, ‘They ain’t gonna run out for a long time.’
‘Alright,’ said Silent, ‘You’re in.’

Jeevsie pulled the limo up across the street behind an old derelict warehouse. The Gatachi base was across the street. Silent, Jamsie, Timmy and Johnny ran up into the building and stared out through the window at the Gatachi base. It was right across the street.
Jamsie took out the blueprints of the place and showed it to the others. Little dots were marked on it, showing the positions of the guards inside.
‘Right,’ said Jamsie, pointing at a dark green building. ‘We’re here. That maroon rectangle there is Johnny’s truck. The black dot beside it will be Johnny. He’s gonna drive up in the truck and kill the two guards. All the guards are pink. The other three black dots are us. When the entrance is clear, we charge in. Silent and I are going to take the corridors, which are these grey bits and the dorms, the blue bits. Timmy, you go downstairs to the basement, which is turquoise here. Johnny is going to take the armoury, which is that orange room by the yellow corridor and the guard room beside it. We’ll all meet up outside the red room before we move in to finish off the leader, who is the yellow dot. Right, ready?’
They all nodded. ‘Let’s go!’
Johnny disappeared as the others watched. Slowly, his truck pulled up and the guards moved towards it. Silent heard the chainsaws revving and before he knew it they were dead.

The trio met up with Johnny at the steps. He was beginning his collection of the bodies, hoisting them into the truck.
They entered the base. One guard was walking along the corridor. Timmy leapt out behind and fired. The bullet missed first, but ricocheted off the floor and hit the guard in the neck, killing him.
‘I did it!’ shrieked Timmy, ‘I actually did it!’
‘Nice work Timmy, your first kill, let’s hope all your shots are like that from now on. Now, time to split up, let’s go. See you soon.’
Johnny charged up the stairs, saws revving. He arrived in the armoury, slaughtering the two guards, he began withdrawing the weaponry, carrying it to his truck.
The guardroom door opened through Johnny’s extraction and a single guard stepped in. Johnny silenced him with a single pistol shot without even looking.
As Silent ran down the corridor he spotted a guard up ahead. He advanced with his spiked gloves, whilst Jamsie waited and watched.
With a quick thrust he stabbed forwards… into metal. The guard turned, laughing. He was wearing armour. Strong armour. Silent laughed nervously before thumping the guard in the face with his other hand and snapping his neck with a kick. He pulled his fist from the guard’s chest and continued.

Timmy meanwhile was creeping quietly downstairs, he could hear talking ahead. Slowly, he opened the rotting door before him by about an inch.
Inside, a group of guards were playing poker. Beer and drugs filled the place and as Timmy scanned the area he could have sworn he saw a case of dope being taken by an arm which quickly withdrew into the wall.
Shaking his head, Timmy carefully took aim. Then promptly dropped his gun as it broke his fingernail.
The gun fell, shot the light switch and everything went dark.
Timmy danced around with the pain, continuously kicking the pistol with every step, causing it to fire again and again until all ammo was out. The last bullet hit the light switch again, illuminating the room. The guards were all dead, covered in bullet holes.
Timmy looked around in shock, picked up his pistol and smiled.
’Wait ’til the others see this,’ he told himself before tripping up over a body.

Jamsie took the door to the left, Silent the one to the right. Jamsie looked inside, there was a tall Chinese guard with long hair wearing a white T-shirt lying asleep there.
He walked over and put a gun to the guard’s head and said ’You,’ the man jerked awake. ’How many guards are in this place?’
’Fifty, fifty... I... I swear fifty,’ shrieked the guard.
’Good, now go,’ he replied, pushing the guard out the door.
Silent entered the other door, there was a small American in the room. Silent, unlike Jamsie, just shot him.
The pair came out and continued along the corridor.

Meanwhile, Johnny had finished his work and continued into the next room. Chainsaws whirring, he cut down the five astonished guards inside with blows so precise each was decapitated.
On his way out, he met the Chinese guard, ‘Run little man!’ He shouted after him, laughing.
Inside, Jamsie and Silent had taken out most of the guards, they were waiting for Timmy at the rendezvous point.
Timmy sprinted towards them, breathing heavily, a stitch in his side.
‘Sorry I’m... late,’ he panted.
The trio drew their guns and walked in.

Johnny had finished his body gathering, the truck was almost full. He was down in the basement, drinking the beer when he leaned against the wall.
Crack! The wall opened up behind him. He turned around and rubbed his eyes. The corridor before him was pitch black, he fumbled at the walls for light switch.
He found it and cheap light bulbs snapped on inside. The tunnel led downwards, Johnny drew his chainsaws and walked forwards.

The Gatachi leader sat there, staring into the barrels of the three guns.
‘This is the last time you bother us,’ said Jamsie.
‘Yeah,’ snarled Timmy, then suddenly he dropped his gun, it fired, hitting Jamsie in the leg. He fell over onto Silent.
‘Timmy you eejit,’ he shouted.
The Gatachi leader suddenly disappeared through the floor.

Johnny found himself in a small room with an AK-47 resting against the wall, a huge belt of bullets rested beside it.
He could hear muffled talking above him and wondered where he was. He noticed a strange circular cut in the ceiling directly above him. He stared at it. He then heard a gunshot and the strange circle lowered.

‘Quick, after him!’ shouted Silent running to the hole in the ground before him.
Then he heard something revving and a noise of metal tearing through flesh. He looked down and saw the headless Gatachi leader in the chair. Johnny stood beside it.
‘I can’t say I approve of the way you did it Johnny, but I must say. You did it!’ said Silent.

Back at headquarters, the Godfather spoke, ‘Great work boys, fantastic. I knew you could do it. Tell ya what, take a break for today okay. My treat. Come back tomorrow though. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow’s when the real thing begins.’ he dismissed them, smiling.
‘Well, I'll be going now,’ said Johnny, ‘I have a feast to eat.’
He walked out licking his lips with a mutter of, ‘Spleen’.

Later, the trio lay slumped on the sofa watching TV. Then, a shining bright light came into the room and God appeared.
‘Oh what a day, why do women never stop complaining about their husbands? I mean do they marry them just so they have someone to complain about? Now, I don’t have a wife but, I know everyone’s thoughts and can hear them clearly when people pray and some woman just spent the past hour praying to me to tell me all her husband’s problems.’ he plopped down beside Silent, ‘Makes me wonder why I got rid of the dinosaurs, they were much more interesting than humans. AND they couldn’t complain.’
God clicked his fingers and smiled, ‘Let the fun begin.’
Jamsie ran to the window as screams erupted in the street below.
‘Oh God! What have you done!’ shouted Jamsie.
Silent leapt up and stared out of the window. In the middle of the road, flailing its tail and flaring its nostrils, was a fully grown tyrannosaurus rex.
It thrashed its tail, crushing cars and roaring as police sirens screamed in the background. Another roar met it to the side. A gigantic spinosaurus was marching passed the skyscrapers, scattering the innocent bystanders as though they were ants.
The two beasts clashed and fought each other in the middle of New York.
‘And you said King Kong was exciting,’ said Silent to Timmy.
‘God?’ asked Jamsie slowly, ‘What are those smaller dinosaurs down there?’
‘Oh, just some velociraptors,’ replied God, casually.
‘WHAT!’ shouted Jamsie.
The door suddenly burst open and a large raptor leapt in, screeching its feral call.
‘Yay, my brother!’ cried Timmy, opening his arms.
The raptor pounced at Timmy, claws flashing menacingly.
Silent pulled out his shotgun and fired. Raptor blood splattered all over the room.
‘Sometimes I really don’t know why I bother,’ said Silent.
Timmy knelt down, the velociraptor head in his arms.
‘He was my friend!’ he bawled.
‘Unbelievable, you’re just unbelievable,’ said Jamsie, shaking his head.

The next morning newspapers across the globe bore the article:

Scenes of Devastation in New York!
Hordes of Dinosaurs appeared yesterday in the city of New York for no apparent reason. Through the police force of the NYPD and the American armed forces, every dinosaur was killed. Thirty people are missing, presumed eaten. The newly elected President Bush(see pg. 4 for more details) has blamed the incident on Communism. This move seems rather odd as the President was seen in negotiations yesterday with Communist leader Firo Dici of Cuba(see pg. 16).

‘Just goes to show you, these guys aren’t so smart. I mean they can’t even guess that Bush is just being controlled by his vice-presi-’ stopped God ‘Whoops, said too much. Bye’
The others stared into the space that God was previously standing in, wondering what he meant.