Part Three: Timmy I Choose You!

Chapter Two: It’s a Whole New World


‘Wakey wakey, rise and shine, it’s time for your honeymoon!!!’
‘Fucking hell!’ Sarah screamed.
‘Dopeman get the hell out of our room! We’re not even dressed!’ Silent yelled, covering himself as he pushed Dopeman out of the room.
Sarah dressed hurriedly as Silent stalked back to the bed, keeping his eyes fixed on the door.
‘What’s his problem? He has no sense of manners, whatsoever!’ Sarah complained.
‘I know… and did he say honeymoon? I’m scared already. Where do you think he’ll bring us?’ Silent asked, a half-bemused, half-terrified look across his face.
‘I don’t even want to think about it!’ Sarah called, throwing him some clothes, ‘Now get dressed before he comes back.’
Silent nodded, ‘I suppose we’ll have to bring Jamsie and Timmy along, just in case they start an interstellar war while we’re gone.’
‘I suppose so, it’s like they’re our kids, all the looking after them we have to do,’ she replied, finishing clothing herself in her body armour.
‘Why are you wearing battle plate? It’s our honeymoon!’ Silent asked, confused.
‘And who’s bringing us?’ she replied, sternly, ‘I’m glad I married you for looks and not brains.’
‘Oh ha ha.’ Silent smirked, sarcastically as he too reluctantly pulled on his battle gear.
‘So Mrs… eh… I’ve just realised, I don’t have a second name. Damn institute!’ he cried.
‘Oh dear, that’s right. I guess we could both use my second name?’ she suggested.
‘What? Angel? That’s not really a name, more your race. Besides, Silent Angel doesn’t really work, sounds more like I’m some sort of gospel assassin.’
‘Well, you sort of are, in all fairness.’
‘I guess, but still…’
‘Let’s just stick to Silent and Sarah and just say we’re married.’
‘Yeah, that works. I could always call you wife?’ Silent grinned.
‘Don’t you dare!’ she smirked before opening the door of their room and leaving to the corridor. Silent followed her and stopped as they were met by Dopeman, Obeseman, Jamsie and Timmy, all dressed in their usual, shabby-looking outfits.
‘Glamorous as always, I see.’ Sarah joked.
‘Oh we dress to impress,’ Dopeman replied, ‘Ready to go?’
‘I suppose so.’ Silent answered, warily. ‘As ready as we can be I guess. Where exactly are we going?’
‘You’ll see in just a minute.’ Dopeman winked before calling out Bob.
In a flash they were in Dimension X, Melkor looking as sullen as always amidst the blackness as they traipsed through, heading for a portal about two minutes’ walk from where they entered.
In seconds they had passed through. The first experience Silent had of the new world was the noise, the wind rushing through the trees, the call of birds and the sound of insects. Then there was a flash of light and he opened his eyes, to a… rather bizarre sight.
To be fair, it was an ordinary looking world and yet, there was something quite wrong with the way it looked. It didn’t look quite real, it looked more like…
‘Dopeman?’ he heard Sarah’s voice behind him, ‘Are we in a cartoon?’
Silent frowned and looked down at his hands, he stepped back in shock as he saw them as though they were drawn with pencils, filled in with ink and paint.
‘What the hell?’ he asked, before turning to the others. He came close to fainting, ‘This is really really trippy!’
‘Yes, we are in a cartoon and not just any cartoon. Besides, we shouldn’t really be calling it a cartoon,’ the figure of Dopeman was saying, ‘It’s more an anime and you’re about to find out which one.’
He nodded behind Silent. They all turned to look and saw before them a peculiar sight. It was a mouse or a rat, one of those, at least half the size of Timmy, sniffing the ground. It had purple fur, large front teeth and it’s long tail ended in a spiral curve.
‘Oh my God!’ Jamsie splurted, ‘Is that a-‘
And as if to answer his question, the creature snorted, ‘Rattata!’ before scuttling off.
‘We’re in Pokémon!’ Silent yelled, ‘Dopeman, how the hell did you come to the conclusion to bring us here?’
‘I’m glad you asked, I got the idea from your stag night Silent. Remember when Jamsie was totally wasted?’
‘Yeah?’ Silent replied quietly, unsure of where this was going.
‘Well when you were inside with Obeseman, I followed him outside with Timmy and we went down this back alley and Jamsie saw a cat and went, “Oh man, it’s a Meowth!” and then he picked up Timmy and threw him at the cat shouting, “Timmy! I choose you!” So yeah, that’s how I came up with the idea, do you like it?’
‘Yeah, actually you really came through this time!’ Silent smirked, ‘Thanks man! Isn’t it awesome Sarah?’
He turned to her and stepped back in surprise, ‘Whoa what happened?’
Sarah blushed, looking down at herself, she found she was not wearing her usual clothes but instead wore a tight schoolgirl outfit. ‘I have no idea, but I think it has to do with the transition to Anime. What the fuck is wrong with Japanese people?’
Silent grinned, ‘Oh I don’t know. I could get used to this.’
‘Oh shut up,’ she joked, ‘And yes Dopeman, I do actually think this was a nice place to bring us. Everyone can enjoy Pokémon, but where exactly are we?’
Dopeman smelled the air, ‘Just outside Pallet Town I believe.’
‘That’s where Ash Ketchum is from right?’
‘That’s the place, so will we go see Professor Oak first?’
‘Sure, that’s a good idea,’ replied Jamsie.
‘Hey where’s that Rattata going, should we tell it it’s heading for a cliff?’ Silent asked, watching the little Pokémon as it rushed over to a ledge overlooking the sea.
‘Nah, it’s smart enough to know where it’s going.’ Dopeman replied, smirking, until the creature tumbled straight off into the ocean.
‘Oh dear.’ Dopeman frowned, rushing over to the cliff with the others, arriving just in time to see the Rattata reach the sea.
He was lucky he didn’t blink or he would have missed the even more bizarre sight. Just before the Pokémon hit the water, a huge blue fish-like creature, almost like a Chinese dragon leapt from the water and swallowed the Rattata whole in its gaping maw.
‘Holy crap! That Gyarados just killed it!’ Obeseman yelled.
‘That shouldn’t be possible!’ Silent called, ‘Death doesn’t exist in Pokémon!’
Dopeman shifted uncomfortably, ‘Of course, it could be our fault Obeseman?’
‘What do you mean?’ Sarah asked.
‘Well, we’re pretty big in terms of world dynamics so our presence may have shifted the way things work. So I guess death exists here now.’
‘Hmmm, very interesting, I must remember to take notes on this subject.’
‘What are you talking about?’ Jamsie asked, before he realised a new figure had joined their group.
‘Oh, hello.’ Replied the newcomer, who was wearing a brown shirt and trousers over which he wore a white lab coat. His hair was short and grey and he carried a small notepad in his hands, ‘My name is Professor Oak, some people call me the Pokémon Prof.’
‘Ah, excellent,’ Dopeman smiled, ‘Good to meet you at last. I’m a big fan.’
‘Oh and who are you might I ask?’ Oak inquired.
‘Well these are Timmy, Jamsie, Silent, Sarah and Obeseman, for the sake of simplicity and the fact I don’t particularly want you to die, you can call me Charlie.’ Dopeman replied.
‘Ah, I see, very interesting.’ Oak rushed over to Timmy and examined him, ‘A Timmy did you say, a very interesting looking Pokémon, I’ll just see what the Pokedex has to say.’
‘Oh no, he’s not a-‘ Sarah began, but stopped as Oak pulled out a small red, computerised device and pointed it at Timmy.
‘Unknown Pokémon, theory, a new species brought on by radiation exposure. Type suggestion: Ugly Pokémon/ stuff of nightmares.’
‘Oh my,’ Oak whispered, ‘How bizarre, if you are not a Pokémon, then what are you my little friend?’
‘Ughha.’ Timmy replied, a bizarre smile etched across his face.
‘It’s best not to talk to him Professor.’ Silent voiced, dragging Timmy away from the curious Oak.
‘Yes, oh well. Would you all like to come back to my lab in Pallet Town? It’s not far from here, perhaps you could help me in my research,’ Oak inquired, staring around eagerly at them all.
‘Of course, that would be wonderful,’ Sarah replied, happily following the professor with the others.
They passed through a thick canopy of trees before exiting out into a small garden, blue and yellow flowers fluttered in the breeze as they marched down the cobbled path, leaving through a small white gate. From here they found themselves in a small village, scarcely more than a few scattered houses each mounted atop a small hill surrounded by rolling plains of grass.
They headed up a small winding path to a large laboratory mounted on a hill. Oak held the door open for the group as they passed from the quaint countryside into a place of science. The walls and floor were chrome in colour with huge racks of machines holding what appeared to be pokeballs. Another machine in the centre of the room held four pokeballs. It was this machine that Oak led them towards.
He pointed to the balls. ‘Take them. Take my balls and see what’s inside.’
‘Eh… ok doc.’ Replied Jamsie, picking up the closest one to him. He examined it slowly before a red laser shot out onto the ground and a Pokémon formed. It was small, four legged and had a large bulb on its back.
‘Ah, you’ve chosen Bulbasaur, the grass Pokémon.’ Oak said.
‘Alright, eh… do I have to water it or anything?’
‘Oh no, no. Just keep it fed and battle with it to help it gain experience and trust in you.’
Following this, Silent and Sarah each took a ball, revealing to them two more Pokémon. Silent received a small red lizard creature with a flaming tail, a Charmander. Sarah meanwhile received the water-turtle, Squirtle.
‘That seems to be everyone.’ Oak said, happily.
‘What about Timmy?’ Sarah asked.
Oak paused, unnerved, ‘Ehrm…?’
Suddenly, they heard a scuttling behind them and Timmy wandered in, waving a pokèball.
‘Hey, look what I found in the trash!’ He grinned happily.
‘Oh my!’ Oak said as Timmy let out the Pokémon.
It was a fish…. Thing. With tough red scales and a wide open mouth, it looked almost as vacant as its holder. It began to blubber at the mouth as they realised there was no air for it to breath.
‘Maybe you should put that thing back in its ball,’ Silent advised, wary at the creature’s lack of oxygen.
‘Ok, Chewy return!’ Timmy called, sending the Pokémon back to its cage.
‘Chewy?’ Jamsie asked, frowning, ‘You gave that thing, a name?’
‘Sure, Chewy!’ Timmy grinned.
‘Hmm, that Magikarp seems to have taken a liking to you Timmy,’ Oak smiled, ‘I think it will accept its new name.’
‘Yay!’ Timmy cheered.
Just then, a breeze rolled in, as the door opened with a bang. There the dust settled, revealing a figure in a purple top and bizarre spiky brown hair.
‘Look at this, a bunch of puny rookie trainers come to grovel at the might of Gary Oak!?’ sneered Gary, staring up at the six foot form of Dopeman.
‘Who’s the pipsqueak?’ Dopeman asked.
‘Or even, the squeaky pip?’ Obeseman asked, incredulously.
‘You’re talking to the number one trainer in pallet town, soon to be the world’s greatest Pokémon trainer!?’
‘Silence!’ shouted Silent, ‘I bet you couldn’t even beat me you little turdball.’
Oak gasped, ‘Oh my, that is gravest declaration of hatred in our realm. You have mortally insulted my grandson’s honour. Gary you must accept his challenge to regain the family honour or lose your place forever in my will.’
Everyone stood in shocked silence until Gary whipped a pokèball from his belt roaring, ‘Fine, I could beat you with my eyes closed!?’
A small theme song rang out as the duo closed in on each other, pokeballs in hand. Oak cleared away the central machine in order to make a larger duelling arena. He then picked up his phone and answered the call, cutting off the theme music.
As this happened, they noticed another scientist within the building, he was tall, yet crouched over, almost hunchbacked, with a huge, toothy grin etched across his gaunt face. Thin streaks of sharp hair hung down lank over his shoulders as he manipulated a poke doll with a long scalpel.
As the others stared nauseatingly at the figure, Oak paused his call to say, ‘Don’t mind him, he’s just my assistant.’ He then turned back to the call, ‘Dammit Florence! I told you to make my sandwich with brown bread, you skanky whore! Do it again!!!! Or you’ll be getting more than my belt tonight!’
Meanwhile, Charmander was on the field, ready to battle. The battle lasted merely a second for Charmander was knocked out when the other pokèball hit him in the head. Cthunk! The sound echoed, in an ironic way as it was Silent who had been defeated.
Sarah stepped up next, shouting ‘That’s cheating, you can’t treat my husband that way! He’s my bitch!’
Squirtle shot out yet again couldn’t even unleash a single attack as Gary’s Rhydon picked it up and smashed it, knocking Squirtle out.
‘My turn!’ sneered Jamsie, sending out Bulbasaur. ‘If I remember anything from my schooldays, it’s playing Pokémon. And I know rock doesn’t stand a chance against grass! So Bulbasaur use Razor Leaf!’
Two twin leaves shot from Bulbasaur’s back, slicing into Rhydon, cutting open his left arm. Rhydon roared before slamming into Bulbasaur, crushing it like a broken leaf.
‘You snivelling rookies didn’t stand a chance!?’
‘Pssss?’ Obeseman muttered, ‘Dopeman? I think he’s coming on to you...‘
Dopeman smirked and pulled out his own pokèball, ‘Let’s see how he likes the first date.’
‘Alright kid, enough games. Time to try a real man.’
‘Pssss,’ whispered Obeseman, ‘Silent, I think he’s coming on to you…’
‘Bring it on, old man!?’ Gary snarled.
‘Hey I’m still in my prime, I’m more prime than Optimus.’
‘Who?’
‘Wow what a retard! He’s way cooler than you’ll ever be, turdball!’
Oak gasped once again, ‘Twice! Twice my grandson! Twice have they insulted you with their treacherous words!! If you fail now, you must die a noble death!’
‘It’s alright gramps, go Rhydon!’ The rock rhino charged.
Dopeman launched the Bob-ball, it rolled, fluttered and then erupted with red light, sending out…
A Renaissance archer coated in red appeared, looking around confused.
‘Kill the beast!’ Dopeman roared.
Terrified the archer did what he was told, launching a bodkin arrow into the face of the Rhydon, splattering it’s brains all over Gary’s purple top.
‘Jesus!?’ exclaimed Gary, rubbing the sloppy mess from his top before drawing another pokèball, ‘You killed Rhydon!?’
‘Wow, is Jesus here too?’ asked Obeseman.
‘Return archer!’ called Dopeman, grabbing him and chucking him into a warphole. ‘Who’s next… dare I say it? Turdball?!’
‘A Third!!!’ screeched Oak before collapsing backwards in a faint.
Gary snarled, throwing his pokèball to the field, unleashing a huge dog, patterned with fire and barking loudly.
In response, Dopeman summoned… a firefly. It was a medium sized beetle covered in flame. Dopeman sighed… ‘Not sure if this’ll work but… Attack!!!’
‘Arcanine use fire blast!?’ Gary roared, showering the firefly in a burning human shape, turning the small beast into a pile of smouldering ash.
‘Ha, try that on for size loser!’ Gary smirked.
‘Oh yeah, well try this!!!’ Dopeman launched the ball forwards again. Sending out… a priest.
‘Eh… priest attack!!! Use the power of Christ compels you!!!’
The priest drew his cross in attack motion, dispersing the flames of Arcanine. Following this, Dopeman ordered the priest to douse the creature in holy water, setting the beast alight with golden flames, sending the creature into a frenzy which burned through its body. In a matter of seconds, it was over. The Arcanine was no more that dust.
Gary backed away, ‘Arcanine!!! No!?’
‘Who’s next, pipsqueak?’
‘I’ll get you, Golbat go!?’ replied Gary, unleashing a large, fanged bat.
‘Fine, try a real bat!’ Dopeman smirked, sending out the one, the only, the Batman!
‘Get him Bats!’
‘It’s time to put you back in your cave!’ muttered the Batman, launching a batarang which clipped the left wing of the Golbat, knocking it from the sky.
‘Finish it!’ cried Dopeman as Batman leapt upon it, grabbing it’s leg and twisting it until it cracked. The Golbat’s eyes closed. The fight was over.
‘So turdball… got any more?’ Dopeman laughed.
‘A fourth!’ muttered the whimpering Oak.
‘I got plenty, I’m just warming up!? Go Exeggutor!?’ Gary called, sending out a bizarre looking creature. It looked kind of like a palm tree, but it moved and each coconut had a face.
‘Creepy, but it can’t handle this!’ laughed Dopeman, sending out a naked blonde chick.
Gary stared, for it was the first time he’d ever seen a naked woman.
‘I see your Exeggutor and I raise you one naked chick who’s really a robot from the future who has a plasma gun for an arm! Booyah motherfucka!’
One plasma shot later and the Exeggutor was swaying with no heads… or top part of its body. Gary staggered backwards… terrified.
Dopeman laughed, ‘So who’s next, Alakazam or Vaporeon?’
‘Eh… eh… Alakazam go!?’
The psychic cat thing stared, ready to face its fate. A large octopus headed figure appeared before it. It wore a rebel commanders uniform and was red in colour and had a rasping voice.
‘Ah, excellent, a psychic versus a psychic,’ laughed Dopeman, ‘You’re move, retard.’
‘Mister, I ain’t got the slightest idea what words are coming out of your mouth!? But I don’t like ‘em!? Use psychic Alakazam!?’
‘Quick Ackbar! Use precognition!’ roared Dopeman.
As the blast launched towards him, Ackbar dived to the side, screaming, ‘It’s a Trap!’
‘Now use focus fire on that super star destroyer!!!’
Ackbar flipped, using his arm gun to blast the Alakazam to pieces.
‘Check and mate, turdball!’
Professor Oak’s body twitched in pain.
‘You haven’t beaten me yet and no one’s ever beaten my old pal Vaporeon!?’ replied the turdball, unleashing his final Pokémon.
‘Alright, well I choose… Cyclops!!!’ called Dopeman, sending out a humanoid with a laser face.
‘Vaporeon use psybeam!?’
‘Cyclops use cybeam!!’
The two bolts of pure energy clashed and erupted with a deadly explosion. When the dust cleared, both fighters were reduced to little more than burnt husks.
‘I believe I win, Mr turdball.’ Dopeman laughed, handing him a tanto, ‘I believe you need this.’
A single tear dripped down Gary’s face as he headed into the sunset. All they could see was a small silhouette as he plunged the weapon deep into his gut. With one final gasp, he was dead.
‘Wow that guy was such a dick.’ Muttered Silent, ‘Oh well, what now.’
Oak suddenly sprang to life, ‘Well now, I would appreciate your assistance in recording the data of all the Pokémon in the world. Here, take this pokedex.’
Obeseman promptly ate the device, ‘He said breath mint, right?’
Oak stepped back… ‘Oh my! Perhaps you could take the Gym challenge then.’
‘You mean the traditional challenge of eight gym leaders in eight different cities so we collect eight badges so we get into the elite four and become the greatest Pokémon master in the world?’ asked Jamsie.
‘Eh, yes. Exactly.’ Oak replied.
‘Yeah sure whatever.’ Dopeman replied.
‘Oh and while you’re on your quest keep a look out for my assistant, he’ll provide you with help every now and then.’
They looked over at the creature they could only describe as, the Evil Doctor. He waved at them, with a ‘I’m going to rape that little girl and dump her body in a swamp’ sort of look.
‘Eh yeah… sure… we’ll keep an eye on him.’ Muttered Silent, before turning to Sarah, ‘Keep the Taser ready to fire at all times.’
‘Well all I have left to say is watch out for Pokémon in tall grass and virtually anywhere I guess. Good luck!’
‘Sure thing doc, whatever. Probably see you when we beat the elite four. Bye.’ They all muttered various goodbyes before heading out into the big, evil world.